I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
