hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
