i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
