this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
