My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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