Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
