I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
