his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
