Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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