i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
