i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
