No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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