Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
