There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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