so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
