Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
