I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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