Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize