i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
