Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
