I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
