We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize