Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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