I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
two words: eviction party
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
