it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
