I wish I could teleport
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
