My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you had me at cake vodka
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
