If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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