afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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