Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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