We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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