I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize