so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize