thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
