walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
