My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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