It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
