I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
