I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
