I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
