Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
