My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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