i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
