Barsexuality is the new black.
She's the barista slut.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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