I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
