This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My dick has a subreddit
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
