Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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