i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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