I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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