the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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