call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
