I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
