She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize