Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
