Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
