Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
