I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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