We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
