Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
