yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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