just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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