I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
