I only kidnapped one of them. chill
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
