Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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