My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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