I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
