it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
