So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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