Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
