So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
