Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
