I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
