pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
