??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My vagina just recognized that song.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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