How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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