My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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