i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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