My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
