she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
