the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
