I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
