This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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