omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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