your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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