my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
