My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im holly from the hills drunk
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
