I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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