From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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