It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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