if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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