so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I want a musical about memes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize