I love black thongs
I just threw up on my dentist
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
