So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
