billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
