Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
