mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
