I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
