how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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