I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
