i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
