I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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