You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
