Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
