meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
