You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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