Quick, to the slutcave!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
