you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
