Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
