I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
