I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
